Want to smile once again
Want to grow once again
Let the darkness fade
Want to kiss the smiling sun once again...

You don't have to read this but id appreciate it if u did it’s mostly just venting

why ... every time i fall for her, i build shit up and then get blown off and shoved into this well. I end up having to swim myself out of this well over and over again and each time I end up sinking deeper and deeper. I don't wanna drown but i cant stop falling for her. I'm trapped in this endless loop of regret and each time the loop resets i fall for her warm smile, her soft laugh, her galaxy eyes and her strength, her determination to do things and get things done. i don't know why but just hearing her voice through zoom is enough to take the edge off. i think i love her and the worst part about it all is that she doesn’t know and i don't know how to tell her. ... And now shes playing minecraft on our server with ‘him’, tall, ripped, smart, with an amazing work ethic and shes falling for him I can feel it. she laughs at his jokes and he teases her and its just the most disgustingly cute thing I've ever seen. but it doesn’t matter how i feel, I'm not allowed to feel things. the only thing ill let myself feel is the water filling up my metaphorical lungs as I slowly sink back into that well. ... as long as shes happy that's all i need to stay afloat because if she wont be happy with me. I've accepted that.

And I'm not the kind that likes to tell you just what i want to do .
I'm not the kind that needs to tell you just what you want me to . :xpoint_up:

Somethings look very good in dreams.

Life is better when you’re smiling.